Several weeks ago I flew out of state. As usual, I ended up in the middle seat next to one of those 'socially unique' people. This one we'll call 'Business Class'. Business Class wore clothes slightly too big for his demure frame, and with each clamp of his gum and audible 'schlkk' emitted from his open mouth. You know the type: wears thick glasses to make people think he's smarter than he actually is.
The plane pulled back from the gate, and I stuffed my headphones in to blot out the cries of his molested gum. As a matter of courtesy I watched the flight attendant perform her mock safety demonstrations (it's got to get old for them too). She concluded with the ubiquitous, "Please turn off all electronic devices."
Business Class used this opportunity to pull his cellphone out and proceed to text. Strike one.
A minute later, he pulled his phone out again and sent several more texts. Strike two.
Once more he pulled out his phone. Strike three. I calmly pulled out my headphones, leaned in, and whispered, "I didn't mention anything the first two times you texted, but the flight attendant specifically asked everyone to turn their phones off."
Business Class turned his head to me without taking his eyes off his phone. He retorted. "It's ok. I travel all the time."
"So she made that announcement for the people who don't fly all the time?" He realized I wasn't dropping this, and made eye contact.
"Listen, I know pilots. It doesn't affect anything in the cockpit." The voice of a stereotyped black woman from countless tv shows appeared in my head: oh. no. he. didn't. I stared at Business Class, and in self righteous indignation let him have it.
"My dad is a pilot. I'm a pilot. And I'm politely asking you to turn off your damn phone."
"So you have proof that the instruments are messed up because of my phone?"
"You're asking if I have the documentation on hand to provide to you scientific evidence that conclusively states my position? No, I don't." (and yes, I said it just like that.)
"That's not what I mean. I just don't trust the government." he pandered. Without hesitation I went for the killing blow.
"I trust the government more than a stranger on an airplane."
"Touche." He turned off his phone.
